starlit_desires | Fic: Gone 1/1

Title: Gone 1/1

Author: Sweetness (ficathon@yahoo.com)

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Cordelia/Fred

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss Whedon and Co.

Distribution: My site (http://fanfiction.angel-buffy.com), if you already have permission, just let me know. Otherwise, ask.

Notes: Set just after “You’re Welcome.” Fred finds out that Cordelia died.

Feedback: Yes please :)

            We’d all gone off to the bar because Cordelia and Angel were supposed to meet us there. But after a few others and neither of them had shown up, our jubilant mood was gone and we were all getting melancholy. It’s weird how one person can make a group of people happy despite all of the odds that they face. Cordelia was always able to make us smile in the face of danger. So when they didn’t show up, we couldn’t help but worry, especially since we all knew how Angel felt about her. Only Lorne knew the truth of my feelings for her. Everyone else just thought that I’d admired her and nothing else. But truthfully, I loved her. When I had first come back from Pylea, it had been Cordelia who finally reached me and helped me get over my terror. She was the one who made the world real for me. But I knew that she didn’t love me that way. I knew she couldn’t love me that way. Her heart belonged to Angel but that didn’t stop me from falling for her and loving her. Lorne only knew because he had seen it when I had sang for him. When he was finally able to get me alone, he told me that even though she might love me, her path had made any relationship between the two of us impossible. The Powers that Be needed her focus on Angel. Even when she had been with Groo, she had made him over to look like Angel. So I kept quiet about loving her and I let myself fall in love with Gunn and then Wesley. I didn’t want to be with another woman who could never compare to Cordelia.
            So when Cordy and Angel didn’t show up, it was only Lorne who knew how I truly felt about the situation. And surprisingly enough when I suggested that we go back to Wolfram and Hart to see what could have happened, it was Lorne who agreed with me. Gunn and Wesley tried to convince us otherwise by saying that perhaps Cordelia and Angel had lost track of time. But rather than convincing us to stay, it only convinced us to go. We both knew how much Angel cared for her, and if something had happened between the two, he could very well lose his soul. So we left Gunn and Wesley to their drinks and returned to the office.
            The floor that houses all of the executive suites seemed like a tomb to the two of us. The quiet and stillness only increased our nervousness. I could tell from Lorne’s face that he was worried about the same things that I was, that Angel had become Angelus and had tortured Cordelia or was still torturing her. Or that the Senior Partners had attacked them because with Cordy by his side, there was nothing to keep him at Wolfram and Hart. There were so many possibilities, each more terrifying than the first. My hand crept into Lorne’s as we slowly made our way to Angel’s office.
            His door was open and everything was quiet, so we both took a big breath and barged into the room. I suppose the sight of Angel sitting at his desk with his head between his hands and Cordelia nowhere in sight only scared us more.
“Angel-cakes, where is Cordy?” Lorne asked as I froze in terror.
“She’s gone. The Powers only sent her to me to put me back on track again.”
“What do you mean gone?” Lorne asked.
“She died in the coma, and they say that she never woke up.” Angel said and then looked at me as if I could save him from drowning.
            I didn’t know how I could save him when I felt the same way. I had loved her perhaps more than he did, after all his soul mate was Buffy, and I never got to tell her that. She had left me and I had never got to say goodbye. The thought of it all made me cry. I couldn’t say anything as Angel got up from his desk and put his arms around me and made soothing sounds. I knew in that minute that he had always known about my love for Cordelia. When I raised my eyes towards his and asked him how he did, he just asked who couldn’t love her. And I knew that in each other, we had someone who could help us over our loss of the brightest light in our lives.

** END **