starlit_desires | FIC: A FInal Goodbye 1/1, Buffy/Angel

Although I've spent most of today and yesterday reading Willow-centred fic, this is what my muse inspired me to write. I do have some other ideas. It's unbeta'd so it's probably not the best piece of writing that I've done, plus it's late too.

Title: A Final Goodbye

Author: Sweetness (aaronlisa@gmail.com)

Pairing: Angel/Buffy, Buffy/Other

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: The Buffyverse belongs to Joss Whedon and company.

Notes: Set post-Not Fade Away.

            It was her wedding day and as happy and excited as she was, part of her was sad. She couldn’t help but wish for two impossible things. The first wish was for her mother to be there, for her to participate in her big day. And although she had Giles to walk her down the aisle and give her to her groom, Buffy still wanted it to be her mother. The second wish that she had was a silly one, and she didn’t even like to think about it. But as she waited for the ceremony to start, she couldn’t help but think about it. It wasn’t as if she didn’t love her future husband-to-be, in fact she loved him with all of her heart. He just wasn’t Angel, and no matter how many times she told herself that it was wrong to feel the way she was feeling, she still wished that she were marrying Angel. Tears started to form in her eyes as she thought about the unfairness of it all. About how it was unfair to her groom to be thinking such thoughts on their wedding day, and about how unfair it was that she couldn’t be with Angel.
            Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. She silently composed herself, thinking that it was Giles and that it was time for the ceremony to start. When she opened the door, her mouth opened but nothing came out. Instead of Giles standing there it was Angel as if her thoughts had conjured him. Neither said a word as he came into the room, instead they just looked at one another for a moment or two.
“I had to come,” Angel said simply.
“Angel, I don’t know what to say,” Buffy said as she moved into his arms.
            The two stood still as they embraced, neither wanting to be the first to break the spell. Neither wanting to be the first that broke their physical contact. Finally Angel gently pulled himself out of her arms.
“I don’t want to crush your dress,” Angel offered as an explanation.
“I don’t care about the dress.”
”You should, you’re going to get married in it in about five minutes.”
”I want you,” Buffy said quietly.
“It doesn’t change the fact that you’re getting married. I only came to say goodbye.”
”It doesn’t have to be goodbye.”
”Buffy, it has to be. I love you, but I can’t give you want either of us want.”
”I want you, isn’t that enough?” Buffy asked as her eyes filled with tears.
”You know that it isn’t, and even if it was, too much has happened, we can’t go back to the day before your seventeenth birthday. And I don’t think that you would want to, even if we could. You’d resent me if I took you with me today, you’re getting married.”
”I would never resent you.”
”Yes you would, I can’t give half of what your groom can give you, and you know that. I just needed to see you one last time.”
”Why do you have to go?”
“You know why, Buffy, please don’t make this any harder than it is,” Angel said as his brown eyes filled with sorrow.
“It’s just that I need you.”
“You don’t need me, you’ve done fine without me. You need to say goodbye to me and go marry your finance.”
“Angel, don’t tell me what I need and don’t need,” Buffy said angrily.
“I notice you’re not denying what I said.”
”You’re right, but I do need you sometimes.”
”Perhaps, but would you rather hang onto the past and your occasional need for me or would you rather marry the man that you need all the time?”
”You know the answer to that question.”
“I suppose I do. I just wish that it was a different answer.”
”Why did you come, Angel?” Buffy asked.
“To say goodbye one last time. When I see you next, you won’t be Buffy Summers anymore.”
”So I will see you again?”
”Maybe, I don’t know. I am not going to avoid you or anything like that.”
”Do you think…”
”Shh, don’t even ask. Just say goodbye to me,” Angel interrupted her.
“But, Angel, I need to know…”
”No you don’t, all you need to know is that the man you are going to marry is the right choice. You know as well as I do that I am a vampire and you’re a Slayer, and that just doesn’t work out. And it wouldn’t work out even if I didn’t have the curse.”
”That’s not what I was going to ask,” Buffy began again.
“I know that, but it won’t help asking what you want to ask,” Angel said leaving her unasked question unanswered.
“I guess this is goodbye then,” Buffy said quietly.
“It is, but not forever.”
”I just wish that things could have been different.”
”I know but they weren’t and it doesn’t matter anymore,” Angel said before leaning down to kiss her cheek, “You’re going to be happier than I could ever had made you.”
”I know but I still will miss you.”
”Shhh, don’t say that.”
            The two fell silent as they looked at one another. Although he had said that he wouldn’t avoid her or that the goodbye wouldn’t be a final one, they both knew otherwise. It hurt too much for them to see one another and know see what they couldn’t have. And although Buffy loved her future husband that love paled in comparison to the love she had for Angel. But he was right when he said that it wouldn’t have worked. She smiled at him, before he turned and left the room again. And with a sense of finality, she straightened her dress and gently wiped her eyes. It had been over between the two of them for so long, but they had never really said goodbye until then.