FIC: Fallen 1/1

[starlit_desires]

Title: Fallen 1/1

Author: Sweetness (ficathon@yahoo.com)

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Lilah/Lindsey interaction, mention of Lindsey/Eve.

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss Whedon and Co.

Distribution: My site (http://fanfiction.angel-buffy.com), if you already have permission, just let me know. Otherwise, ask.

Notes: Set sometime after ATS 5x22 “Not Fade Away.” Lilah and Lindsey are working together again. 

Feedback: Yes please :)

 

            I am dead now like her. It still bothers me that Angel didn’t do the job himself but at the same time, I guess I understand. However, like Lilah, my contract with Wolfram and Hart isn’t over. I found out when I died that I could run but my contract was still in one piece. I work in the same dimension as Lilah does and I find that now that I am close to her, I really don’t care what Angel is doing anymore. My world has now shrunk to the size of Wolfram and Hart and Lilah. She’s my superior now that is something that took some time to get used to. After years of fighting with her and being in competition with her to be the top dog at Wolfram and Hart, it wasn’t easy to have to deal with her being my immediate boss. Time in the dimension seems to flow differently than what I am used to. And eventually I get over the need to compete with Lilah, not that I act any differently in front of her. I don’t want her to know that I’ve fallen for her, knowing her the way that I know her, she would just take it as a sign of weakness and use it against me. But I couldn’t help it; death seems to suit Lilah more than life did. We’re not really dead here in this dimension, but if we were go to back home we’d be dead. I can’t really explain it, but we’re alive as we ever were. But death gave Lilah a maturity that she didn’t have before; she’s also not as hard or cold as she was. Perhaps that was Wesley who did that to her. If I could, I would have liked to have ripped Wesley into pieces because he had possessed her heart once. Something that I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to do.
            I am so busy daydreaming about the perfectness that is Lilah that I don’t even realize it when she walks into my office. I can’t help it if I find daydreams of Lilah more fascinating than practicing law in some hell dimension. After all I had given up law quite sometime ago because I had found it boring, I hadn’t expected to be forced back into it. Even when I was with Eve, and had daydreamed about taking over Wolfram and Hart; the thought of practicing law had never entered my head.
“Daydreaming on the job?” Lilah interrupts my thoughts.
“No.” I answer back.
“Could have fooled me.”
”Well I wasn’t.” I lie to her.
“Lindsey, it’s about time I tell you some very real facts about you being here.” Lilah states, as she takes a seat on the corner of my desk.
“And what would those be?”
”Well the Senior Partners let you walk away. I am not too sure why, but they did. Now you’re back and your work has become quite sloppy as of late. There’s no sign of the old Lindsey in it. And quite frankly, if you think that by making mistakes that the Senior Partners will just let you walk away again, well you’re making a huge mistake.”
”Why’s that?” I ask, fascinated by the movement of her leg moving back and forth as she talks to me.
“Lindsey, your contract with the Senior Partners doesn’t expire. They don’t necessarily need you to do work for them. They can just torture you instead.” Lilah explains to me as if she were telling something to a very small child.
“Is this a warning?” I ask snidely.
“Not from them if that’s what you’re asking. Lindsey, I need you here. I need someone who’s capable and competent and who I can trust. Just remember what I’ve said and pay a little more attention to your work and a little less to your little Eve.” Lilah says to me as she gets up off the desk and walks to the door.
            I can’t believe that she thinks that I would spend my time daydreaming about Eve. There was a time when I would have done anything for Eve, but between her losing her immortality and Angel deciding to take on the Black Thorn, I fell out of love with her. Perhaps it was never love. I stand up and walk over to the window. I remember something Eve told me about when Cordelia woke up and visited Angel. She had called her ‘Lilah Junior’ perhaps that was the reason for my attraction with Eve. She was a poorly made copy of Lilah. I had always liked Lilah from the moment I had laid eyes on her. But somewhere between sacrifices and crawling up the corporate ladder at Wolfram and Hart, the like that I had for her turned into something else. I couldn’t afford to like her; it would be something that the Senior Partners, or Lilah or anyone else could use against me. When I left Wolfram and Hart and L.A., I denied my feelings for her for so long because I didn’t want to go back. But here I was, back at Wolfram and Hart and back with Lilah. I no longer had the drive or the determination to crawl my way to the top. I knew it was impossible, my death had taught me that. But I had to think; did I want to be tortured for an eternity just because the Senior Partners could do so? I decided I didn’t want to but I didn’t know what to do. So I made my way to Lilah’s office to ask her how she did it. I didn’t think that for one moment that she wanted to be here anymore than I did. I ignore Lilah’s receptionist and barge my way into her office. Lilah looks up from her laptop monitor and signs.
”What now Lindsey?”
“How do you do it?”
”Do what?” Lilah sounds very irritated with me.
“How do you wake up every day and deal with this?”
“Because I don’t have a choice? I lost that the day I signed my contract here. It took me a while to accept that, but that’s why.”
“But you’re so calm about it.”
”Yes, because I don’t find it necessary to rail against the Senior Partners. I was trapped by my own arrogance, just like you Lindsey.”
”Will there ever be a release?”
”Perhaps, I don’t know. The Partners like to dangle that type of thing in front of all their employees. You should know that.”
“But what about Angel and the others?”
”What about them? What they do doesn’t concern us in this dimension. We have new assignments, and that should be our sole focus.”
”You had feelings for Wesley.”
”Yes I did, but that’s in the past now.”
”Don’t tell me that you don’t think about him ever?”
”I am not saying that but I don’t have time for regrets. I made my bed, and it’s time for me to lay in it.”
“You sound different, Lilah.”
“Well I am, so are you. Dying changes you, Lindsey. I am not the same Lilah you knew when we were fighting over who would be in charge of our division. If I could, I would walk away from this. But I can’t. I have a job to get done, and I am going to do it.”
”But…”
”There’s no times for buts, Lindsey, just get your work done and maybe you might achieve the treat that the Partners will dangle in front of you.”
”Is that why you work so hard, because of some treat that they offer you?”
”No, I work so hard because I’ve always worked hard. Now go and get your work done. I don’t have time for this and you don’t either.”
            I walk back to my office and think about what she told me. She’s right but I still can’t stop myself from daydreaming about her. As days turn into weeks and weeks into months, I work and I dream. My life narrows down to two things: Lilah and making her happy. I don’t even care about my clients or cases; I just work to make her happy. And one day, Eve walks into my office. I had never expected to see her again but there she is. I sense that something is different about her since the last time I saw her. I close the files on my computer and wait for her to speak.
“Long time no see, Lindsey.”
”What do you want, Eve?” I ask her.
“Not much. I am only here because the Partners sent me.”
”You’re back in their good graces?” I ask.
“Yeah, they decided to take me back into the fold, once they realized that I was manipulated by me.”
”You were never manipulated by me. You wanted to get back at them as much as I did.”
”That was a complete failure.”
”I suppose it was. Why are you here?”
“The Partners wanted me to tell you that if you’re a good boy and do your work that you will be released from your contract.”
”How long?”
”It all depends on you.”
”What did they offer Lilah?”
”That’s not really your concern.”
”And what happens if I don’t want to go when they release me?”
”I am sure you will want to go after several decades spent in this dimension.” Eve says and then smiles at me.
”I am not interested.”
”In what the offer or in me?”
”In you, Eve.”
”Aw, I feel all hurt now.”
”You said what you had to say, now get out.”
“Fine, I’ll be seeing you, Lindsey.”
”Not if I can help it.”
            Then she’s gone. And it’s as if she was never there. I wonder if the Senior Partners offer freedom to all of their employees after a certain time. I can’t help but wonder what they offered Lilah. Did they offer her a chance to be free and to be with Wesley again? For some reason the thought of Wesley and Lilah together makes me angry and I pick up the glass from my desk and throw it against my wall. What’s the point of being released from my contract if I can’t have her? That’s when I decide to make her mine. I have some time to do so. In fact I have nothing but time to do so. I just need to figure out how to win her. It’s not going to be easy, and I will have to convince her that I am not after her position, but it will be worth it in the end.
 
** END **