starlit_desires | Drabble: Longing 1/1

Yet again unbeta'd.

Title: Longing

Pairing: Wesley/Cordelia

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss Whedon and company.

Notes: Set just after “You’re Welcome” (ATS 5x12). Wesley deals with the death of Cordelia.

            Wesley stood by the simple marble marker that marked Cordelia’s final resting place. Well her body’s final resting place. It gave him a small measure of comfort to know that somewhere out there she was still around. There wasn’t a day that didn’t go by that he hadn’t thought about her or missed her. Everyone had thought that his heart belonged to Fred, but he knew now that it had always belonged to Cordy. His longing for her had been something even Lilah hadn’t known about, probably because he had been able to hide it better. His desire and love for Fred had been something that he was unable to hide; yet those same feelings for Cordy had been hidden deep inside of himself because he knew that he had never stood a chance with her.
            When she had kissed him in an attempt to pass on the visions, he had been shocked by the passion and warmth in that kiss. And he had promised himself that after she had a suitable period of time to mourn for Doyle he would take a chance. But the time had slipped by and before he knew it he had been involved with Virginia. And once that had ended and he had turned to her again, it was too late. He often wondered if he hadn’t given her that time to mourn, if he could have saved her from the fate that had befallen her. He doubted that he could have saved her. And he knew that he wasn’t the man that he had been when he had first arrived in LA. Even so, he wasn’t the type to force the issue, especially when she had been mourning for someone else.
            Wesley sighed and rubbed his face in his hands. He missed her in so many ways and every day it had gotten hard to go on without her. But there had always been hope before. Hope that she would wake up from the coma that she had been in. And then it had appeared that she had and he couldn’t have been happier. The she had been gone as quickly as she had been there. He remembered the sensation of ice water dripping down his spine when Angel had called him to tell him of her death. He had gone with Angel to the hospital area of Wolfram and Hart where the staff had been apologetic about the confusion, but adamant about the fact that she had never woken up. Yet, it couldn’t explain how they had all seen her and touched her or even how Spike had tasted her blood. Then again, they should all be used to the unexplainable, but Wesley couldn’t cope with it this time.
            This time the longing for her was too intense for him to just ignore it. He knew that there was nothing that he could do about it and nothing that he could have done about it. So he was left with an empty feeling in his heart and an intense longing for her as he tried to make his way through each and every day without her and even without the hope that she would wake up and he would be able to tell her how he felt.

**END**