starlit_desires | Ficlet: Consumed 1/1

Title: Consumed 1/1

Pairing: None

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss Whedon & company.

Notes: Set just as Willow & Giles are leaving Sunnydale for England at the end of BTVS Season Six. Written for word #82 for Livejournal’s 15minuteficlets .

      When she used magic it consumed her. She felt as if she was being burned by it, yet she was powerless to stop using it. Her life might be falling apart around her, but when she used magic she felt whole again. Her friends and their concerns faded while the force of the spell consumed her. And now that she wasn’t using it, she felt as if she was being consumed by the void. She would wake up shaking and trembling as her body urged her to make it better by casting a spell. It didn’t matter, any spell would do. And the more she resisted that urge, the more it hurt. And the praise from her friends for being so strong just rang in her ears. Empty words designed to make her feel better when she was feeling like death. She knew what would make her better, yet she resisted over and over again.
            In the end, when she was on a plane with Giles flying to England, she would blame that resistance for her final breakdown. She had had no outlet for the magic that was burning her body up, begging to be released. So it had just built up until it had reached a point where it had exploded. It hadn’t helped that in her rage she had drained as much magic as she could. But she knew that the last year had all added up to one total. And that total had leaded her to attempt to destroy the earth all because some wannabe villain had killed her lover.
            Now she was on her way to learn how to use what she had taken inside of her and she trembled in fear. She didn’t know if she wanted to be consumed like she had been so recently. When she had tried to destroy the world, the magic in her had almost consumed her to the point where she didn’t even recognize herself. She had merely an outlet for the magic to release itself. Her wrath had directed the magic’s release but she hadn’t really sensed herself. All that had mattered during that period of time was her wrath and her vengeance. She shuddered at what she had done to herself and to the others. Nothing would ever be the same for her again. And she was terrified of being consumed by the magic again.

**END**