starlit_desires | FIC: The Edge 1/1, PG-15, Spike/Dawn (Reply)

Not necessarily my best fic ever but this is what came to me when I said I'd write a Spike/Dawn fic for the swan_a_thon (also the fic is cross-posted there.)

Title: The Edge

Author: Sweetness (aaronlisa@gmail.com)

Pairing: Spike/Dawn

Rating: PG-15 (some swearing and content)

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss Whedon and company.

Notes: Written for the swan_a_thon . Set post-NFA, Angel has become Angelus, Buffy’s dead and Spike Shanshu’d.

            She had lost count of the number of cheap motels that they had stayed in once they had found Buffy’s mutilated corpse. They had been on the run for so long, trying to stay one step ahead of Angelus and Drusilla and she was tired of it. Tired of the cheap, dirty motels that they slept in during the day. Tired of the looks that she and Spike got. And she was tired of running all the time.
            So she decided that it was time she ended it all. She waited until Spike was asleep before creeping into the bathroom. Once inside the small room, she locked the flimsy lock and started to fill the dingy tub with scalding hot water. When it was full, Dawn removed her clothes and slipped into the tub. She hissed as the water burned her skin as she sank into the tub. Then she reached over and picked up the razor blade that she had placed on the edge of the tub. She ran the sharp edge gently along her wrist and although she had been gentle, the razor had still scratched her skin. A few drops of blood welled up from the scratch.
            Before she could run the edge along her wrist again, Spike started pounding at the door. Dawn ignored him as she dragged the razor along her wrist, this time harder so that it cut into her flesh. As the blood started to flow from the cut, Spike broke down the door.
“What the bloody hell are you doing?” Spike demanded.
“What does it look like?” Dawn asked in reply.
“Looks like you’re being stupid, luv.”
”Why because I am tired and I want out?” Dawn asked with a pout.
“You want out? You’re tired? How the fuck do you think I feel?” Spike spat out at her.
“I don’t know,” Dawn answered.
“I’m fucking beyond tired. Not only am I trying to cope with being human again but I am also trying to save your scrawny ass. And here you are giving them what they want,” Spike said as his fist hit the water in the tub. “Why don’t I just give up and let that insane bitch sire me again after she’s tortured me for loving your sister. Might be best if you did slit your wrists, after all Dru always did love shagging in blood.”
”Spike, please…” Dawn started to say.
“Please what?” Just do it, Dawn, I can’t save you if you don’t want to be saved. And I am tired of trying to save you as you passively sit around doing nothing to help yourself.”
            Spike turned and stalked out the bathroom. He flung himself onto one of the double beds. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He had wanted to tell her that he had finally contacted Willow who was going to help them, but he had fallen asleep from exhaustion. Being a human again was a punishment, and not some reward for having helped to save humanity. His vision and hearing were dimmed and his physical strength weakened. And he was exhausted from protecting Dawn from his sire and grandsire when she did nothing. He loved her but he was drained from watching her sit there and did nothing to try to save herself. He sighed in frustration.
“Spike,” Dawn whispered as she came into the room.
“What now?” Spike asked wearily.
“I’m sorry.” Dawn replied as tears rolled down her face.
“Come here,” Spike said as he sat up.
            He held her in his arms as she cried. Spike didn’t know if he could keep trying to protect them but he knew that he had to for her sake.

**END**